I was half peer pressured into some kind of e-mail game at work in which people were expected to “share their favorite recipes”. As my colleagues are great people I hastily engaged myself to partake in this modern, positive and social interaction. But then I realized I can’t cook… Nevertheless I made a recipe.

I am afraid many of the cliches associated with perpetual bachelors like myself seem to be accurate. Including the one in which bachelors don’t always eat as healthy and organised as they should. These are pointers I use in order to evaluate my home cooked meals:

  • Mix of carbs, protein and vegetables always. Easy on the carbs: max 100 gr per serving.
  • The food may not cause sickness, unpleasant poops or hazardous farts.
  • Taste is considered a bonus but not a necessary requirement. May not cause puking or retching.
  • Vegetables are best forced into the esophagus quickly while eating because this organ does not have taste buds. Vegetables are an unfortunate but necessary requirement..

So without further ado: This is my recipe for …

Sad bachelor Egg-bacon-rice-spinach mush

Ingredients for 2 portions:

  • 6 chicken eggs, not snake or shark eggs. Have not tried those.
  • 100 gr of cooked rice
  • 100 gr of frozen spinach pellets
  • Bacon strips! Because bacon! About 150 gr.
  • A little bit of butter, salt and pepper

Instructions:

Cook some rice. One pack should do it. Cook more rice and keep it in the fridge so you can make another sad meal tomorrow with rice in it.

Put the spinach pellets into the bowl and microwave until thawed. I’d say about 2 minutes microwave time. The spinach does not need to be hot.

While spinach is being heated. Break the eggs into a big bowl. Add 100 gr of cooked rice and the spinach when it is ready from the microwave.

Put a BIG pan on the stove. Butter that sucker nicely and cover it with sweet, delicious, precious bacon.

While this is sizzling sensually. Add lots of salt and pepper to the rice, spinach egg mix in the giant bowl. Mix the contents of the bowl thoroughly. When the bacon is almost crispy, add the mix of the bowl in the pan.

Let it simmer on a low power for a long time. If your pan is big enough you can leave it omelette style. But I just mix it after the bottom has congealed because my pan is not big enough.

Slap half of your healthy mush into a bowl. Store the other half to eat later because you don’t have a partner. If you did have a partner you would eat better then this.

Presentation:

Serve with beer. From the can, of course, no glass. Glasses are fancy. Eat in front of TV because who gives a fuck?

Add beers in accordance to level of psychological distress, pathology or even nihilism or general depravity. No beer in case of aspirations to get six pack abs.

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